Meet The Spartans

"Basically, it's all the best scenes from several well-known movies except with really lame fart jokes spliced in."

The synopsis from IMDB there, about Meet he Spartans. Its pretty much bang on. Apart from they missed out "Badly acted, Badly Scripted, Badly Done. Kill yourself instead of viewing this movie!"

$30 Million budget and this is the shit they came up with?!?! What the flying fxck did they spend the rest on? Ice cream? I could make a better Movie with £3.12. (The 12p to style my hair)

I mean, come on, Cal watched 20 mins before he nearly died of being too serious.

Seriously, the people who make this should be put under the death sentence. This is like 9/11 times 300.

0/10 - Never, Ever even touch this movie. You may get cancer. or Aids.


- Joe

Silent Hill

Hello everyone *emphasis on the one* and welcome to another review by Joe. Mainly because callum has probally forgot about this site.

Okay then, Silent Hill.

The plot is pretty simple. Mother takes small child to Silent Hill and get chased by a cop. Mother flips car in Silent Hill. Small child goes missing. Mother and Cop team up to find child. Child is connected to Silent Hill.

The film overall is pretty good. CGI is amazing. Pyramid Head is bang on. Blood just right. Soundtrack, again, spot-on. Its pretty much a perfect film. The only problem that i can think of is that its not jumpy enough. Ah well, Silent Hill 2 is out soon, so they may fix it then.

10/10

-Joe

Angry German Kid

As you can tell by the last few posts, we've given up with just doing films because the directors already know how much their films suck. *Spolier* They suck the literal Donkey! *End Of Spolier*

So here we go, Angry German Kid.



Well, theres nothing to say about this video apart from it scares the shit out of me. The overall theme of it is, a german kid goes nuts over Unreal Tournement and has a hissy-fit everytime he dies. Its pretty funny, but towards the end you feel like you should force feed him ritalin (in this case maybe some elephant tranqualiser) and drag him off down a dark country lane and shoot him. Several Times. In The Crotch.

Okay, i know the video is fake. It even says it on the decription for them video. But seriously, Mr Speilberg, if your reading this, hire him. He's is possibly the greatest actor that ever lived.

9/10 - Great acting Kid.

Also:R.I.P Heath Ledger. The Greatest Gay Cowboy that ever lived.

- Joe

Athene wins

Well its 1.25 am and i just watched athenewins' movie entitled "Sexy horny full movie: Wrath of the 1337 King" The links here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNvUSfRHzdQ . I have to say this is actually pretty funny. Its a documentry about athene, the best paladin in the world, and a few days in his life, where he shows off his 1337 skills and educates us on how to pwn n00bs in arena and make broccoli.
8/10

Year in review - 2007

This blog began a bit late, but i think the best way to start would to kinda review the whole year in general. Quite alot of movies came out in 2007, but for once i missed quite a lot of them. The main reason for this is because the first movie I saw in the year was epic movie. I can still feel the void of a wasted fiver in my heart and it burns to this day. I lie in bed each night, tossing and turning, flashbacks and images rolling through my brain and then a whisper at the back of my mind says "....could've gone seen smokin aces instead." Then i wake up, breathing heavily, and i weep, i weep for my lost £5....sorta. Ok maybe not to that extreme, but it was seriously awful. When it came to febuary I didn't go see any movies because I was still in shock from epic movie, and it would have had to take something that looked completely amazing to make me go and see any films at this time. Being that 'norbit' was the only film i can remember was out at the time i can see that this wasnt the case. In march the internet was going mad for this first appealing looking film of the year, 300! I decided it was safe to venture into the cinima once again and we went to see it. Overall i thought it was actually a pretty go...IT WAS SHITE xD. If there was no slow motion in this movie, it would be 20 minutes long. Another thing, is that im fairly sure the producer or director or whoever could not do maths to save his own life. For alot of the film there never really seemed to actually be 300 of them, it looked more like 100. This doesn't bother me too much but in the first battle when tons of persians charge at them, there's so many persians piled up in a crowd, yet when the spartans break out from there shields and charge at the persians there's about 32 and there all really spaced out, getting killed in really slow, SPED-UP, really slow motion along to hardcore music. yay. The worst mathmatical error though is at the end, there is meant to be 10,000 spartans. Thats roughly double a grimsby town football crowd. If roughly double a grimsby town football crowd were to stand closely together in a large area, it wouldn't look like there were THAT many of them. However it zooms out and all the spartans shout in a hardcore way. HARDCORE. There's more like 500,000 thousand there, the crowd is HUGE. This didn't ruin the film for me, because mostly everything else was mediochre and sucky aswell. In march i also remember seeing blades of glory which was pretty average. In april I went to see hot fuzz, which is a pretty awesome movie but I won't say much as I typed a hell of alot complaining about someone involved with 300 and there mathmatical skills. Its not as though anyones gonna read this but its something i had to get off my chest. May was a pretty good month, seeing the release of spiderman 3, shrek 3 and....pirates of the carribean 3. And all of them were pretty good too. When june came 2007 was really brought to an end for me, what had seemed like a pretty promising year really went downhill. The weather went terrible, rained and didn't stop till about november. I broke my wrist, had a cast for two weeks, then i was fine for a couple of weeks, then on the last day of school i got booted in the knee playing football and couldn't walk all summer. It really sucked, i managed to see transformers at some point which i thought was great. Other movies i managed to see at some point were harry potter, rush hour 3 and the simpsons movie. The first two i thought were good but i thought the simpsons movie was crap. A sort of recent movie was resident evil 3 which was rubbish, low-budget and pointless. However, the year ended pretty well with I am Legend. Its probably the best movie ive seen for quite a long time and i think i could very easily give it 10/10 D: . I also finally got round to superbad recently and i thought this was great too, mainly coz of mclovin w00t. 9/10 for this film but.... I'd give 2007 a 3/10 coz it was really quite a shit year. And if your reading this, your probably joe.

300: The Ultimate Movie Ever?

Okay, the plot. 300 Spartan must defeat over 10,000,000 (I dont know the actual figure, that was a guess) in a war to end all wars. *Spolier warning* They Lose. In a really, un-epic way.

Now, this film was, in my personal opinion, okay. Others may agree, others may not. To be perfectly honest, the film overly uses Slow-Mo at every turn. (Think of a really, really old Matrix 3...but shiter)

The film has some good fight sequences but me having the attention span of a goldfish, i always seemed to rewind back the the sex scene.

300's epic line "This Is SPARTAAAAAAAAA" has caught on with the internet causing loads of pictures, edits, remixes and the like. Pretty much becoming the worlds largest meme.

Also staying with the 300 theme, we have up-coming film "Meet The Spartans." The film is made by the same people that made "Epic Movie." The 9/11 of the media buisness. So we'll be having a review of that when it hits British soil.

So the final score - 7/10


- Joe